Sports!

If, as a college hoops fan, March is the best month, April must be the worst. From the handful of undeserving bubble teams jockeying for the right to lose in the first round to the conference tournaments to the single best two days in all of sport, March has a groin-grabbing amount of action. April? Well, not even having your team win the National Championship in the first week of the month is enough to overcome a month of dire sport. But, hey. It is sport. Here we go:

College basketball first - not because I want to (I don't), but because I feel I'm obligated to as this is, above all, a college hoops blog. There have been coaching changes and NBA early entries. The end. FINE. Trent Johnson decided that higher academic standards + the void where the Lopez twins used to be was a enough to high-tail it to Baton Rouge. As a Stanford man himself, Johnson is smart enough to know that athletics are only king at state universities. Also, Oklahoma State made their true aspirations known by shifting sights from the head coach of the NCAA Tournament winners to the head coach of the NIT winners. It's a trophy, you know. In the words of Marge Simpson, "Aim low. Aim so low that if you fail, no one will notice."

And some people are leaving college for the NBA. The Foul Trouble has no quarrel with this, and we're just waiting for the opportunity to be paid millions upon millions in order to work a couple of nights a week at a job few can actually do. The only really ill-advised early entry has to be Luc Richard M'Bah a Moute. Honestly, Luc. I know you're from Cameroon, and you've probably already overcome all sorts of odds that white-bread-me never will, but you are not going to play in the NBA next year. You can either play another year in one of the most hallowed arenas in sport, or you can look forward to a nice season with the Tulsa 66ers.

Just about the only other sport I know well enough to comment on is soccer. I'm white and I'm a creative. Did you expect Nascar? Those of you without an extended cable package received some of your only exposure to European club soccer by the way of this week's Champions League games. I am so, so sorry. Don't be fooled by the heaps of cash thrown at the competition or the fame of the clubs competing in it, the Champions League is a Mickey Mouse competition. Don't believe me? One goal was actually scored in the two games that took place between four of the "best" teams in Europe. A friend of mine asked me for my thoughts on the Liverpool v Chelsea match. They were:
1. I don't give a shit
2. It'll probably be 0-0
3. I can almost guarantee no more than one goal

My prognostications would have been startlingly correct were it not for John Arne Riise's feckless own goal in the 80somethingth minute. Barca and Manchester United naturally delivered a 0-0 "thriller," and Cristiano Ronaldo proved right all the skeptics who think soccer players are nothing more than a bunch of whinging homosexuals who become cerebral palsy cases when anyone gets near them. But since these games were on ESPN, most of America is left to assume that all European soccer matches are equally inspiring.

If you don't follow European football in the slightest, you may skip the next paragraph.

In other soccer news, Manchester City (a club supported by yours truly) are in negotiations with Ronaldinho's people. Honestly. This is not going to happen. Really, it shouldn't happen. I appreciate Dr. Thaksin's pie-in-the-sky hopes, but a player with Ronaldinho's ego isn't going to play in the east end of Manchester unless he's either 43 or playing in a charity match. Or both. The talks to bring Ronaldinho to City are indicative of a few things: First of all, Thaksin has an ungodly amount of money and wants to flaunt it. Secondly, Thaksin wants to bring the circus to town if for no other reason than to make City known on a global scale. Lastly, Ronaldinho (a man who finished behind both Landon Donovan and Mia Hamm for ESPN's "Best Soccer Player" Espy) really wants a fat contract from AC Milan that parallels the fat he added in the last two years. What I find troubling yet inspiring is that Sven-Goran Eriksson doesn't want Ronaldinho. It's inspiring because it means that SGE has his head on straight. Ronaldinho is well past his prime, and this shell of the Ballon d'Orr player will hardly be capable or motivated enough to adjust to the vastly different style of the English Premier League - and this says nothing of the stupidly inflated price tag. What's troubling is that Thaksin seems to be making these negotiations by himself, regardless of what Sven wants. Never could a club ask for a more unwelcome guest than a meddling chairman. Troubling, indeed.

Baseball is going on, and I do care about it. I do. I just can't be assed to comment about a sport that still has 140 games to go. NBA Playoffs are going on, and I care as much about them as Joe Namath cared about the Jets game that was taking place as he was professing his undying love for Suzy Kolbert. NHL Playoffs are going on, and my interest is piqued. Rather than comment on it, I can just forward you to the blog of someone much more educated on the subject. Enjoy, you sports enthusiasts.